Well I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,

One bottle of wine, and a bourbon on the rocks

I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,

I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

---

A long time ago, in a pub far away,

I sat on a barstool, just drinking away,

I couldn’t hold it down, I guess I had too much

I felt a tremor in the Force and then I lost my lunch

---

I woke up in a desert land, feeling hot and sick,

I saw a bearded man, he looked like some kind of hick,

He slowly waved his hand, and my pain was gone

He said, “Let’s go see Yoda, and I’ll teach you this song.”

---

I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,

One bottle of wine, and a bourbon on the rocks

I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,

I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

---

We got on a starship, and I flew off into space

He said his name was Obi-Wan, there was no time to waste,

"I have to get you trained before it’s too late,

So drink this bottle of whisky, and don’t give in to hate."

---

My training went on, and I’d drank most of the bar

We had to stop for supplies on the nearest Death Star

I learned to control my fear, and hold my alcohol

Soon I was able to stand when Obi-Wan would fall.

---

I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,

One bottle of wine, and a bourbon on the rocks

I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,

I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

---

Sat down beside him and looked him in the eye

He looked right back at me, and said, “You judge me by my size”

Obi-Wan said, “Careful, for Yoda is the best”

I said, “Ok shorty, bring on this test!”

---

I could tell you how it ended, I could tell you some lies.

Let’s just say, that on this night the Force was on his side

I got all riled up, they threw me in the jail

I said, “I don’t believe it!” Yoda said that’s why I fail!

---

One pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,

One bottle of wine, and a bourbon on the rocks

I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,

I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

---

I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,

One bottle of wine, and a bourbon on the rocks

I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,

I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

---

Yeah I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test

Well I looked that little runt right in the eyes…