I don’t know you, so I don’t know why people might avoid you, but I was thinking of something slightly related while on the train yesterday. I have a very strong sense of smell, so bad odours are very off putting for me, even mine when I sweat, or fry something…stuff like that. So yesterday I was sitting in the train, and someone came in at some point and sat right behind me. I did not see that person, but I smelled him!!! It was stinking of cigarettes as if he was an ashtray. I had to move, because it was making me want to throw up. I al not exaggerating.
But I do know, not everyone has this sense of smell, some might be oblivious of their own smell. I had a colleague in high school that was extremely stinky. He was not a bad guy I guess, but I did not talk too often with him because I was avoiding coming too close because of the smell.
So I was thinking yesterday, wouldn’t it be helpful to have some sort of independent person give an honest and not mean opinion, on what is “wrong” with us in terms of what is off putting to the others. Some people are I am sire genuinely good people, but maybe they have an odour problem that they don’t know about, and maybe can be fixed. Or maybe they are trying to much and too fast to be a friend for someone and the others feel like their space is invaded too quickly. Not everyone has skills to read non verbal messages.
But how do you give feedback to the people that are off putting for you if they don’t ask for that feedback? It would be rude and probably poorly received. I am a quite direct person, and even I would not tell people they literally stink, because it might me it is just an I problem.
Do you have close friends or family that you could ask for kind advice? Or maybe try a neutral person, like a psychologist. Although that one would not see you in your interactions. Maybe you could analyse and record in your memory details of the interactions and have someone review those details. As I said, could even be something like you are too fast in getting close or person to the others, and they have another pace.
Smell was actually one explanation I thought people reading my comment would think of. I start each day with a shower and wear deodorant, even applying it a second time during the day if I happen to have been active or sweaty. When I’ve worked up a sweat at work or whatnot or if I’ve swam in a lake or pool, I shower afterward. I hope I don’t need to mention this, but I also do wipe thoroughly after using the toilet. I also don’t smoke cigarettes or weed.
With your story of the smoker, that kind of makes me even more inclined to think it’s not smell since I’m apparently light-footed enough to accidentally sneak up on and startle people when I approach them; this has happened a number of times. If they don’t notice a smell or sound when I’m right next to them, then I’m probably not emitting either of those strong enough to be sensed close up. Additionally, my barren experience on dating apps, for example, wouldn’t be affected by smell.
I don’t have any family that I would consider trustworthy on the matter.
I am glad it is not the smell :) As I said, maybe you are too intense for the general public. That is a matter of the society you are living in. Every society has different personal space areas. For example there is a huge difference between the personal space of a German and a Spaniard. One has to observe these things and try to adapt to them if acceptance is the priority. Try analysing how the people around you interact and compare it with how you do. You can also try to let new people come to you and just be smiling( but not looking intensely to them) and show you are open to conversation.
Regarding the dating apps, that is a different monster. I would not put so much thought into it. I am a very social person and easily make friends, but on dating apps I mostly found creeps and the dynamic was always strange and a lot of ghosting happened. I don’t know how it is nowadays, but I am sure it did not improve.
Try to find a club based on your hobbies. Maybe you like to hike, find a hiking club or group. Or maybe you are a gamer, go to gamer shops and have some interaction there. You will eventually find your tribe. Sometimes we are just too different from the ones in our immediate circle, and people don’t want different. Good luck and much happiness! You will figure it out and you will find your people.
I don’t know you, so I don’t know why people might avoid you, but I was thinking of something slightly related while on the train yesterday. I have a very strong sense of smell, so bad odours are very off putting for me, even mine when I sweat, or fry something…stuff like that. So yesterday I was sitting in the train, and someone came in at some point and sat right behind me. I did not see that person, but I smelled him!!! It was stinking of cigarettes as if he was an ashtray. I had to move, because it was making me want to throw up. I al not exaggerating.
But I do know, not everyone has this sense of smell, some might be oblivious of their own smell. I had a colleague in high school that was extremely stinky. He was not a bad guy I guess, but I did not talk too often with him because I was avoiding coming too close because of the smell.
So I was thinking yesterday, wouldn’t it be helpful to have some sort of independent person give an honest and not mean opinion, on what is “wrong” with us in terms of what is off putting to the others. Some people are I am sire genuinely good people, but maybe they have an odour problem that they don’t know about, and maybe can be fixed. Or maybe they are trying to much and too fast to be a friend for someone and the others feel like their space is invaded too quickly. Not everyone has skills to read non verbal messages.
But how do you give feedback to the people that are off putting for you if they don’t ask for that feedback? It would be rude and probably poorly received. I am a quite direct person, and even I would not tell people they literally stink, because it might me it is just an I problem.
Do you have close friends or family that you could ask for kind advice? Or maybe try a neutral person, like a psychologist. Although that one would not see you in your interactions. Maybe you could analyse and record in your memory details of the interactions and have someone review those details. As I said, could even be something like you are too fast in getting close or person to the others, and they have another pace.
Smell was actually one explanation I thought people reading my comment would think of. I start each day with a shower and wear deodorant, even applying it a second time during the day if I happen to have been active or sweaty. When I’ve worked up a sweat at work or whatnot or if I’ve swam in a lake or pool, I shower afterward. I hope I don’t need to mention this, but I also do wipe thoroughly after using the toilet. I also don’t smoke cigarettes or weed.
With your story of the smoker, that kind of makes me even more inclined to think it’s not smell since I’m apparently light-footed enough to accidentally sneak up on and startle people when I approach them; this has happened a number of times. If they don’t notice a smell or sound when I’m right next to them, then I’m probably not emitting either of those strong enough to be sensed close up. Additionally, my barren experience on dating apps, for example, wouldn’t be affected by smell.
I don’t have any family that I would consider trustworthy on the matter.
I am glad it is not the smell :) As I said, maybe you are too intense for the general public. That is a matter of the society you are living in. Every society has different personal space areas. For example there is a huge difference between the personal space of a German and a Spaniard. One has to observe these things and try to adapt to them if acceptance is the priority. Try analysing how the people around you interact and compare it with how you do. You can also try to let new people come to you and just be smiling( but not looking intensely to them) and show you are open to conversation.
Regarding the dating apps, that is a different monster. I would not put so much thought into it. I am a very social person and easily make friends, but on dating apps I mostly found creeps and the dynamic was always strange and a lot of ghosting happened. I don’t know how it is nowadays, but I am sure it did not improve.
Try to find a club based on your hobbies. Maybe you like to hike, find a hiking club or group. Or maybe you are a gamer, go to gamer shops and have some interaction there. You will eventually find your tribe. Sometimes we are just too different from the ones in our immediate circle, and people don’t want different. Good luck and much happiness! You will figure it out and you will find your people.