Once an older gentleman looked my naked body up, down, and then said unsolicited, “you have the body of a soldier.”

To this day this remains one of the most memorable, meaningful physical compliments I’ve ever received from any gender.

It’s difficult for me to articulate what it meant to me, and why. The comfort and honesty with which he said it, not knowing how I’d respond. The acknowledgement of the hard work I had put into my fitness routine. The revelation of an aesthetic I hadn’t really planned, but resonated.

At the time I was head of a highly effective, trained private security team. When I had first started and before I quickly rose ranks, I realized not only how important it was to appear big and immovable, but soon how important it was to actually be big and immovable.

This resulted in a conscious choice to implement a fitness routine that focused primarily on functional strength, clean mass, and functional skill sets. This was in juxtaposition to the popular school of thought at the time, which was obsessed with getting shredded and achieving peak aesthetics.

The work and effort was hard. Really hard. It was an enjoyable time in life, but not an easy one. This isn’t really the point, except to say I busted my ass and it wasn’t ever to make the cover of Men’s Fitness.

Rarely ever did I also receive compliments, not even from those I dated. The panties were certainly dropping during this period of my life, but my experience with women is they typically admire quietly, having had it driven into their heads that they should remain demure in what they say.

This man was not afraid to speak his mind. He didn’t even say what he did sexually, just as pure, in-the-moment admiration. He recognized not only the effort I put in, but it seemed he also saw the intent. I am not sure why he drew the specific association he did, nor is it true (I have not served), but his inflection and delivery reflected some sort of deep appreciation which was actually touching.

It was also pretty gay.