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Joined 3 年前
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Cake day: 2024年1月20日

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  • From my reading ‘cause’ is too strong a word. My mother in law drank a lot until she died in her 90’s. She was sharp until her last week. Dad regularly drank a beer or three after work, but never more than that on a weekday. On the weekends they’d occasionally have parties and he’d get moderately drunk. He was never fall down drunk. I think the long term alcohol use was that contributing factor. My grandfather, his father, died at 96. The last 2 or so years of his life he had dementia. He drank when he was younger, but I think he quit by the time he was 50. I’m hoping to be like him as far as dementia goes.


  • You aren’t rambling. And good on you for saying no to the colonoscopy. You are absolutely correct. My mom never really learned the rules I figured out. She’d challenge him on asking who she was. Because sometimes he’d forget. It really upset her, which I get. The challenge upset him and that would lead to things going downhill. I don’t think he necessarily knew who she was or I was specifically, but he knew that we were important to him. And honestly that’s all that mattered. Stay strong, take breaks, take turns with family. It will be difficult. Don’t wear yourself out.


  • I’ve been there. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It is extremely difficult. I developed a set of rules for myself with my dad. I don’t know if any of them will help you, but as I figured them out they helped me.

    1. Never argue with him about something he forgot. It really doesn’t matter that he may be wrong. His brain is failing him, so it is unfair to challenge him.
    2. Small lies are OK. “Yes Dad, I’ll see you tomorrow.” when you won’t see him for weeks. It comforted him in the moment and that’s where he lives now. Tomorrow he will not remember what you had said.
    3. No hospitals if at all possible. Especially no ER. They don’t do well with dementia patients. Dad was strapped to a bed at night during Covid. They aren’t equipped to deal with them and Dad was very confused. I stayed with him to try to help. It was the worst night of my life. He should have been home since his injuries were minor.
    4. No cops. Should be obvious, but he tried to drag Mom ‘home to keep her safe’ and ended up hurting her. She had no option but to call them and me. The cops beat me there, had tackled him, put him in cuffs, and sent him to the hospital.
    5. talk with him normally. He probably remembers a lot of your childhood. Just not what you said 3 minutes ago. It’s ok.

    It’s all hard on everyone.