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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: June 14th, 2023

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  • Give it another month or three, I’d say, since there are too many variables at play to know what might be the issue, and chemistry can totally improve between people, especially if any lack of it at the beginning could be due to not having yet had the time to get fully comfortable with one another.

    Definitely don’t force yourself into a lifelong relationship that feels wrong. But don’t assume that a lifelong relationship feels 100% perfect off the bat, either. For all you know, your partner has an amazing but off-kilter or dark sense of humor, and it hasn’t come out fully because it’s still early days. Or she’s got the absolute best vibes for just chilling around the house with, or finding fun new things or whatever, but everything feels a little formal and stilted right now because it’s the intro phase of the relationship. (16 years into my relationship with my wife and perfect partner, it’s often hard to remember that it also started with the standard, awkward getting to know each other and stressful first dates etc.)

    And maybe you come to change a little bit too, and as you get a more complete picture of this person as a partner, you come to value her differences from others as positive.

    That’s obviously the ideal and not an uncommon path for a relationship to take, but you also can’t force it to be the case. I have seen people stay together because it makes sense on paper, and years later realize they just don’t enjoy having conversations together because their communication styles/paradigms are so different. And in that case, it was sort of obvious to everyone that they had lacked chemistry the whole time. They were each very nice, but neither seemed completely natural with the other, which was always awkward for everyone else lol.

    I’d try to approach the next months with the optimism that this is going to evolve into a truly fulfilling relationship, and do what it would take to get there. If you’re not 100% in on that, then you’ll only continue to feel doubt. But, if after a while the evidence continues to point the other way, have the confidence that you both deserve and can find someone you’ll feel at ease and in love with. There’s no right age for it, and no one deserves any less.