Nailed it. I think a large part of it is caused by the sheer amount of testosterone in men’s bodies. When I was still forced on T, I was so much hornier, in a sense of, look around, want to talk, and so on. I didn’t like being on all that T myself, – it felt as if I had no control over my desires. I did control what I actually do, though. I never really spoke because I was a bit too shy.
But part of it, is also probably the toxic culture around masculinity that perpetuates around some of them. Like talking about us as if we’re objects, being told to man up, not addressing each others’ sexist remarks, and so on. And that culture is often put through top-down and between peers.
When I was on testosterone, my sexual drive was a problem. It doesn’t help because I’m on the asexual spectrum, and it felt just like this primal instinct, this need that I had, and I hated it. However, I don’t think it’s a biological issue. I think a lot of that would have been helped if I wasn’t taught some bullshit about it being just a natural way of things. That men have this primal desire for sex, and that women don’t desire it as much or whatever.
No, we have different ways of handling our emotions and our brains, and what we need isn’t just a blanket, “well, biology.” No, it’s a “how do we handle these things? How do we learn to live with a body that’s under testosterone? With a body that’s under estrogen?” That kind of things. We’re never taught that. Never. And on top of that, men are taught that women are a completely different species, one that is inherently inferior.
In fact I know it’s not a problem because trans men don’t have that issue, trans men who are under testosterone face changes that are challenging to them and eventually they may get assimilated into society depending on if they want and achieve a certain level of passing which testosterone helps a ton with that, it depends on if you want or not. But if they do, yeah eventually they get kind of like blinded to the suffering of women around them, because they don’t go through it anymore, they don’t have to deal with it anymore and they start seeing it less.
However I have yet to see any trans men becoming these predatorial shits that cis men are around women. And I’m not trying to say that they can’t be predatory with women, anyone can be. Trans men are not excluded from misogyny. First of all because no one is, and second, because at the end of the day, they are still men and the longer they spend their lives living as men, the bigger the issue become with them, because they forget more and more about what it was like before for them when they were still perceived as not the gender identity they actually are by society.
Yes, it’s all men and that includes trans men. But I strongly believe that for the most part. They are at the top of that and not the bottom in a good way.
When I find out that a guy is trans, I get relieved instantly. I don’t have to worry about my drink with him. I don’t have to worry about what his intentions are in speaking to me. I don’t have to worry about him following me home. I don’t have to worry about what is going to happen to me after we have sex because I’m a trans woman. I don’t have to worry about any of that with a trans guy. Ever!
And I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that, contrary to cisgender men, trans men, no matter how testosterone-filled they are, don’t tend to be haunted by this deeply-rooted fear of finding out that they’re gay, controlling their entire fucking lives. I swear to god if we could take this away from men, if we could make them feel comfortable with the idea that maybe they’re not heterosexual and that’s completely okay, so many problems would be solved. It’s fucking insane how so much of men’s issues are dictated by this because it’s why they can’t show a affection to one another and it’s why they’re such lonely miserable motherfuckers all the fucking time because they’re unable to get affection without feeling like it’s emasculating them.
The problem is not testosterone. The problem is never being taught how to handle their emotions. The problem is living in a society that is dominated by men, aka patriarchy, and a society that is like that to such an extent, and that has been like that for such a long time, that most people are completely incapable of acknowledging it, let alone conceive it. That’s the thing you see with misogyny and you see it with trans misogyny and you can also see it with transandrophobia, aka: bigotry against trans men, which is a real issue that we are often unaware of, and it’s also why I am so insistent on their defense, especially in trans online spaces that are often dominated by trans feminine people and especially on the fediverse, for example. We have issues with transfeminine people hating transmasculine people. That is a big problem. But anyway, it often comes down to this:
Testosterone… is not magic.
We have a tendency to give it all sorts of properties that it simply doesn’t have. It’s the magic hormone. It’s the reason why trans women can’t participate in sports, and it’s the reason why trans men can’t participate in sports either. It’s the reason why men behave the way that they do. It’s the reason why women are inferior. It’s all because testosterone and its magical properties. It somehow makes you more aggressive, more sexual, more prone to anger, more this, more that, stronger, better… But it doesn’t do most of these things actually.
You can take the testosterone out of a cis guy and that won’t fix him. In fact, I invite you to look into what happens to men that are chemically castrated, which is basically being put on the testosterone blocker with no substitute. It’s barbaric. And it doesn’t work. The results are often taking a damaged individual and essentially finishing what their fucked-up childhood or whatever happened to them started and breaking them.
Anyway, I could go on and on and on. We don’t have a testosterone problem, we have a patriarchy problem.
Nailed it. I think a large part of it is caused by the sheer amount of testosterone in men’s bodies. When I was still forced on T, I was so much hornier, in a sense of, look around, want to talk, and so on. I didn’t like being on all that T myself, – it felt as if I had no control over my desires. I did control what I actually do, though. I never really spoke because I was a bit too shy.
But part of it, is also probably the toxic culture around masculinity that perpetuates around some of them. Like talking about us as if we’re objects, being told to man up, not addressing each others’ sexist remarks, and so on. And that culture is often put through top-down and between peers.
When I was on testosterone, my sexual drive was a problem. It doesn’t help because I’m on the asexual spectrum, and it felt just like this primal instinct, this need that I had, and I hated it. However, I don’t think it’s a biological issue. I think a lot of that would have been helped if I wasn’t taught some bullshit about it being just a natural way of things. That men have this primal desire for sex, and that women don’t desire it as much or whatever.
No, we have different ways of handling our emotions and our brains, and what we need isn’t just a blanket, “well, biology.” No, it’s a “how do we handle these things? How do we learn to live with a body that’s under testosterone? With a body that’s under estrogen?” That kind of things. We’re never taught that. Never. And on top of that, men are taught that women are a completely different species, one that is inherently inferior.
In fact I know it’s not a problem because trans men don’t have that issue, trans men who are under testosterone face changes that are challenging to them and eventually they may get assimilated into society depending on if they want and achieve a certain level of passing which testosterone helps a ton with that, it depends on if you want or not. But if they do, yeah eventually they get kind of like blinded to the suffering of women around them, because they don’t go through it anymore, they don’t have to deal with it anymore and they start seeing it less.
However I have yet to see any trans men becoming these predatorial shits that cis men are around women. And I’m not trying to say that they can’t be predatory with women, anyone can be. Trans men are not excluded from misogyny. First of all because no one is, and second, because at the end of the day, they are still men and the longer they spend their lives living as men, the bigger the issue become with them, because they forget more and more about what it was like before for them when they were still perceived as not the gender identity they actually are by society.
Yes, it’s all men and that includes trans men. But I strongly believe that for the most part. They are at the top of that and not the bottom in a good way.
When I find out that a guy is trans, I get relieved instantly. I don’t have to worry about my drink with him. I don’t have to worry about what his intentions are in speaking to me. I don’t have to worry about him following me home. I don’t have to worry about what is going to happen to me after we have sex because I’m a trans woman. I don’t have to worry about any of that with a trans guy. Ever!
And I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that, contrary to cisgender men, trans men, no matter how testosterone-filled they are, don’t tend to be haunted by this deeply-rooted fear of finding out that they’re gay, controlling their entire fucking lives. I swear to god if we could take this away from men, if we could make them feel comfortable with the idea that maybe they’re not heterosexual and that’s completely okay, so many problems would be solved. It’s fucking insane how so much of men’s issues are dictated by this because it’s why they can’t show a affection to one another and it’s why they’re such lonely miserable motherfuckers all the fucking time because they’re unable to get affection without feeling like it’s emasculating them.
The problem is not testosterone. The problem is never being taught how to handle their emotions. The problem is living in a society that is dominated by men, aka patriarchy, and a society that is like that to such an extent, and that has been like that for such a long time, that most people are completely incapable of acknowledging it, let alone conceive it. That’s the thing you see with misogyny and you see it with trans misogyny and you can also see it with transandrophobia, aka: bigotry against trans men, which is a real issue that we are often unaware of, and it’s also why I am so insistent on their defense, especially in trans online spaces that are often dominated by trans feminine people and especially on the fediverse, for example. We have issues with transfeminine people hating transmasculine people. That is a big problem. But anyway, it often comes down to this:
Testosterone… is not magic.
We have a tendency to give it all sorts of properties that it simply doesn’t have. It’s the magic hormone. It’s the reason why trans women can’t participate in sports, and it’s the reason why trans men can’t participate in sports either. It’s the reason why men behave the way that they do. It’s the reason why women are inferior. It’s all because testosterone and its magical properties. It somehow makes you more aggressive, more sexual, more prone to anger, more this, more that, stronger, better… But it doesn’t do most of these things actually.
You can take the testosterone out of a cis guy and that won’t fix him. In fact, I invite you to look into what happens to men that are chemically castrated, which is basically being put on the testosterone blocker with no substitute. It’s barbaric. And it doesn’t work. The results are often taking a damaged individual and essentially finishing what their fucked-up childhood or whatever happened to them started and breaking them.
Anyway, I could go on and on and on. We don’t have a testosterone problem, we have a patriarchy problem.
I really appreciate your thoughtful and kind and interesting comments like this one. Thank you for sharing your voice!
Thank you. This means a lot.