Forsaken by my parents, I must bake
A pie, a biscuit, or even a cake
My parents, so proud, say that they love it
I, too, am fulfilled cuz in them, I shit

If nutty, to them, I serve up a pie
Or a dish more savory, if corn supplied
Since I was a child, I have done this
I am better at it than at rhyming

If you want a nice treat, leave out the poo
Or keep it in, really, it’s up to you
As you make what I bake, something might stink
Solutions are found in my sponsored links

Now I will let you get to the big bake
More words are needed for profits at stake
Please take care and enjoy my recipe
Return next week when I make drinks from pee

Shitting spaghetti

Someone should throw salt at it. Y’know… For the melt and traction. No other reason at all.

Even betterer, give the plane to Snoop Dogg to film Soul Plane 2: Qatari Boogaloo

You take some flour, and some room temp eggs
Room temperature butter is the best
And some warm milk, you stage it with the rest
Vanilla, sugar, and baking soda
If you forget your berries, you are fucked
Iambic pentameter is shit. Salt.

Get all of these items into a big bowl
Mix it or whatever, I am not your boss
Batter should be consistency of sludge

Heat your oven to the maximum temp
Pour your batter directly in oven
Leave your house, tell neighbors you broke your toe
Return to home, act surprised it is ash
Get insurance check, use to buy muffins

Prep time: 30-45 minutes
Cook time: 2 months if insurance is fast

Sure, I did a bad job. But in my defense, I put more effort into this than I should have and wasted everyone’s time. Especially mine.

Good. I’m gonna miss all y’all cool tourists, but better safe than sorry. Hopefully, we’ll meet again soon.

Hard reboots/power cycling are gonna be a real pain in the ass. I suspect that there’s gonna be significant downtimes until they switch from Windows to Linux and then figure out their super space drivers. Considering the millions it costs to launch someone into space, the IT astronaut who has to unplug this and plug it back in is going to be the most expensive tech support/hour ever.

From the inside out

I just reported a question, not because of the content of the question but because the buttons were formatted strangely and clocking on them caused the question to refresh. It was about cassettes vs CDs.

Other than that, this is pretty fucking legit. What a simple, fun, useful tool! And I mean simple as in “easy to explain,” not “easy to make.”

Thank you for sharing!!!

ETA: I just got served either the same question twice (with a different question between each time), or found duplicate questions. If the same question twice, I’d be concerned about individuals skewing results. If a duplicate question is being submitted, it might be helpful (albeit slower) to run word matches against strings and then check the IP address of the submitter (if you record that) on anything with over 90% match and then let that user know they’ve already submitted this question.

Don’t mind if I do! 🍴

I want that laser gun!

Who would ship a fugitive back to us? The tariffs are too high.

The only difference is that he acts out his violent fantasies against criminals instead of the general public.

I think this glosses over a bigger difference that lets his character off with a little less shit on him than he deserves: the only difference is that he can afford act out his violent fantasies against criminals. If beating up criminals paid the bills, I’m sure more of the criminals would do it. In fact, it’s so obvious that crime-fighting isn’t lucrative in Gotham, evidenced by the astounding number of dirty cops. The big baddies punch down on the general public because they can squeeze out money that way. The only reason Batman continues to get away with cosplaying as a villain is because the general public lets him get away with it.

Batman will have billions no matter who he beats up and he can afford privacy and security in his private life. If Batman tried beating up a villain and then went home to find out that someone killed Alfred to send a message and that Bruce Wayne couldn’t afford to feed himself, I’m sure it wouldn’t take long before his inner rage unleashed on some innocent bystander and he’d realize that beating up anyone feeds his violence addiction and that stealing money and food feeds his hunger.

And let’s not forget: these “criminals” are mostly people who were ostracized and desperate before getting caught on some charge that landed them in Arkham. When they were finally released, they were even more radicalized, unemployable, and destitute. If crime is their only perceivable career path, they can’t be faulted for that. And all of this begs the question: what kind of fucked up economy exists in Gotham that “villainy” is the second richest employer behind “self-employed billionaire bare-knuckle boxing bastard.”

Yeah, while I like Batman to an unhealthy degree, I’ll never miss an opportunity to shit on what a horrible character he is.

Batman gets comic books and movies because he’s someone for us all to aspire to: being so rich and removed from reality that you don’t realize that you’re the creator of your own enemies. Being so fantastically wealthy that you can’t see how you’re causing a wealth gap that forces people to turn to crime so they can afford housing and food. Making it so that mentally ill people—who gain powers from desperate paid experiments, suffer workplace accidents due to poor worker’s rights, or birth defects due to proper healthcare inaccessibility—can’t access therapy and medication until they’re already labeled as criminals and are forced to be under the state’s care. And then he dresses up as a monster and beats the shit out of all of them at night. Batman and Bruce Wayne get comic books and movies because we applaud them for proving that they recognize that flattening the wealth gap will solve many problems by funding social services such as orphanages, but then missing the mark by privatizing what should be public services and funneling your largest donations through things like “charity auctions” and the ballet, an art form so removed from the lower classes that you beat the shit out of the poor just for showing up at a performance because they’re obviously unable to afford a ticket.

You wanna celebrate a woman who fucks a few monsters and then shoots them in the woods? That’s fine, but you gotta make a few minor changes: the woman has to be a man who is super strong instead of sexy, s/he needs to fight the disenfranchised rather than legitimately evil people, and they have to show their softer side by only permanently maiming these poor people instead of killing them. AKA, Batman.

Did you check the back pocket of your pants that have been through the washer and dryer 3 times already because you forgot to hang them properly and they got wrinkly and you didn’t feel like ironing them?

So don’t delay, fuck now, supplies are fucking out
Fuck now, if you’re still alive, six to eight fucks to arrive
And if you fuck more, there may be a tomorrow
But if the offer’s fucked
You might as well be fuckin’ on the sun

I really thought that my sarcasm was obvious, especially with that last sentence… Apparently there are people out there who are more openly shitty than I realized.

There’s never a good reason to enable and protect rape.

Any standard set lower than this should be grounds to get throat-punched.

Y’all are being way too harsh. I’m sure he has a really good reason for why he enabled and protected Harvey Weinstein’s rapery. Something so convincing that we’d all say, “you were absolutely right to help blow up the lives of fellow artists. You’re really not a piece of shit!”

Eta: Apparently, my sarcasm was too subtle. The fact that people aren’t catching onto that is incredibly depressing because that means this was a believably shitty take. I really thought the last sentence was a dead giveaway…

Humanity and satire are dead, killed by genuine ghouls who are totally cool supporting monsters.

“Trump’s third term is lasting a really long time. I was confused when he chose his own successor on his death bed, but now I’m growing concerned that this might threaten democracy!”

Also, to reduce sugar-intake, we’re relabeling candy as a vegetable.

The dentists will be pleased… (This is a joke, I’ve never met a single dentist who was favorable of poor oral health. Don’t hate on the dentists, they’re pretty fucking important.)

ETA: Oh no! I made a sarcastic comment on my sarcastic fake quote and now it looks like I believe one of these two things is true! None of this is real. Except the part about how cool and important dentists are.