A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and “pureed” in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.
Kristina Joksimovic, 38, was found dead in her home in Binningen, near Basel, Switzerland, in February this year.
According to local news outlet BZ Basel, a man named Thomas, 41, had an appeal for release from custody denied by the Federal Court in Lausanne on Wednesday after he reportedly confessed to killing his wife, with whom he had two children.
This story is wild to read, how do you purée someone and still find a body and determine they were strangled?
I mean, considering how some of them can struggle with ice cubes, you’d need one hell of a (consumer grade) blender to effectively get rid of a body
Start with a wood chipper.
Saw that in a movie once.
You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute.
Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Yeah but that sprays evidence everywhere, best to find a deep, dark, cold lake somewhere.
If you can get the body out to international waters over a particularly deep section of ocean maybe… not gonna trust a lake to not betray me
Unless it’s the big lake Gitche Gumee in November… then you’re golden
Lake Superior is deep enough. but it’s cold enough the corpse won’t go away anytime soon.
I imagine you can fit a wood chipper into a boat and then take care of all the problems that way.
I have it on good authority that Lake Superior never gives up her dead.
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Ugh have my upvote you heathen
I suspect he vastly underestimated the scope of the job.
Shopkeeper: Oh, hello Thomas, back already? How was that blender? Not big enough you say? Well how big do you need? A whole large coconut you say?
I found about 66 liters as the volume of the average person. Assuming a regular 1.5 liter blender, that would mean roughly 44 blending sessions. And that’s not taking into account the problems you’ll have with large bones or bones in general.
Bones, tendons, cartilage those blades would probably be toast after about 30 minutes. The article also mentioned chemical so I’m assuming he tried to do some form of chemical treatment but it wasn’t moving along fast enough.
The article is unclear about which body parts were dismantled and blended, i assume he just did the arms and legs or something. Which leaves a lot of the body to be found and analyzed.
Basically, if i get this right, he was cutting the body in pieces and blending them one by one, which i assume must be a long process so no wonder he got caught. Honestly if i were to get rid of a body that would also be my plan in its entirety
Not to mention hell for your blender. Bones…aren’t exactly “puréeable.” Any blade would get dull pretty fast when going through human body parts.
Some people.
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tamper holder not included
Meh. I’m team BlendTec. They’d probably make a commercial for this. “Next on Will It Blend! Fashion models!”
… don’t breathe this!..hmmm Olympic runner juice 🥤. Sorry just had to. I’m a total disgrace, this is serious and sad. Sorry, really. It’s only slightly funny.
“We’re here about the homicide. Where’s the body?”
“Nope, ain’t nothing here except 60 litres of strawberry smoothie”.
From the bottom up, I imagine.
You’d be surprised the things they can figure out with modern forensics, maybe low oxygen in the remaining tissue, maybe a special enzyme that activates in the lungs when you are carbon dioxide poisoned.
The leaps in detection technology even in the last ten years are astounding.